{AMANDACHAN♥}

I interrupt my feverish studying (well not really since it's still pretty early and I have high initial friction before attaining constant velocity) and reflect upon life, more specifically, how I've been living my life for the past 4 days cos of SBJ.

I'm not claiming to be representative of human population or whatsoever, but people like me. Whom I will call "people".

So there are people out there who tries to prepare for the worst in anticipation that something terrible will happen. You ignore the good things that are happening, that has happened. You focus on the negative things sited of what makes you happy. Sounds familiar? All the good things that happened suddenly seemed insignificant as your mind conjure up seemingly endless and increasingly disastrous scenarios.

Because that is what I'm like on my SBJ. it becomes a conscious effort try to not to focus on the negative. With a fertile imagination it is pretty hard. Just yesterday, I kept coming up with scenarios that would probably not happen (extrapolating from past events) and trying to mentally prepare myself for it. But I can't. My mind tore the walls of my mental defense down, leaving my emotional state in a wreck. I wanted to push myself and see how much I can take. I can't.

You know, stop doing that. I believe that when such a thing ever happens, all the mental prep in the world will not make you any less traumatized. You know people don't live forever and you know that since young. Does it make you any less sad that someone close to you no longer contributes to the carbon dioxide in the air? No it won't.

(Appreciate the people you have now. Thank you for being my pillar of support and my beacon of light in my darkest times. I wanna cuddle the fuck out of you.)

But by then, when the situation you've been attempting to prepare yourself for happens, perhaps it's mental fortitude that magically gets called out due to adrenaline or whatever, and you will realize that you don't live forever, and you have to use the tine you have to do what you love. Love people, love things, love Molly (that is the name of the cat we're gonna get), love making plans and love being happy. Really and truly happy.

Heck, love studying!

I shall go try to convince myself and you should too.

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